This week marks my fourth week back at work. I forgot how fast paced my work is and I’m still trying to get back to momentum. For the past few weeks, I’ve worked till past midnight on some days and I was incredibly stressed.

During my maternity, I thought I’ve been idling enough and I miss work. At work, I miss my boy even though I am working from home (wfh). I just want to throw everything aside and lie next to him.

It breaks my heart when I can’t tend to him when he cries. I can’t imagine sending him to infant care or child care in the near future. Times like this made me wonder if it is better to be a stay at home mum (SAHM). Is it actually a good thing in some cultures where women stay home after marriage and look after their kids?

I want to be the one to comfort my child when he cries.

I want to be the first person my son sees when he wakes up in the morning.

I want to be the one fussing over him 24/7.

My helper seemed to have taken over the mummy role and I’m not feeling quite right.

Then, I reminded myself enjoyed earning my own keep too much to not work. There isn’t a possibility that my career will tell me it doesn’t love me anymore in 20 years time.

The reality of the working world in Singapore is still not so welcoming to women who took a career break. My pay is still not back at my pre career break level in 2016 after taking a two years career break while trying to conceive.

Many times, I do wonder how much I’ll be commanding now if I didn’t spend two years at home.

If I do stay home, I wondered how different it will be with a kid this time. This means doing all the household chores myself…

Well… Maybe not.

Let’s see how it goes since I’ll be wfh till end of the year.