Last night, I told my husband that I felt down constantly. Nothing seemed to be able to lift my mood. Food may help but I haven’t lost my pregnancy weight and I may get more depressed after eating and looking at the weighing scale.

More than two weeks has passed and I haven’t got over the fact and felt better that my helper has a mummy role at home. Nobody can put him to sleep besides my helper… I should be glad that I am able to outsource this but I’m not. Sometimes I felt like she’s a blessing sometimes I felt like I’m better off without help.

For the pst few days, my son rejected to latch and gagged when I place my nipple in his mouth. Guess he’s getting older and can no longer be comforted with it. People laugh when they hear the gagging sound. I should be happy he’s growing up but deep down I am terribly upset.

Work has been hectic the first few weeks. Then it quieten down as my boss was away the week before, last week was no meetings week and this week is a short week because of National Day. There was breathing space except for several requests sent at 5.50pm.

I should be happy I get to work from home and see my newborn baby during working hours. I should be happy I still have a job since it was announced Singapore’s economy shrunk by 13.2% in Q2 this year. I should be happy I have a feel good job and the fact that I still have a job.

Just last week, I chided my husband for being home late for work constantly. I am not the only parent around! Everyday, I have to power down my laptop and takeover mummy duties at 6pm until 10pm. My second job starts. I hardly have time to shower and eat and I think I stank for perspiration. I also want to stay on and finish my work till late like him. I bring home bacon too.

Symptoms of Post Partum/Natal depression checked.

The fact that I am writing this at 2am is not a good sign. I think I need help.

On a side note, #HealthHub website is shit since I can’t find a number in Singapore to call.