For the first time in my life, I just logged off from my laptop after clearing my work emails on a Saturday night. I felt like I have a little control back.

Work has never been the same ever since I returned from maternity leave. I used to enjoy my work because I felt useful to society. If it’s not fast paced, not challenging, it’s not worthy of my time. I was forever on top of things.

Now, I just want to take it slow and it felt like I’m constantly missing information here and there. I wonder if this is the legendary mummy brain. Now I understand why women rather quit their job and put their children as priority.

Yesterday, I visited the polyclinic with my baby only to realise I got the date wrong. I was so upset with myself. I could have slept and hour more and have more mental energy at work.

Then, I made the mistake of logging on immediately when I came back and was sucked into meetings and an unforgiving work schedule. I should have taken the whole day off.

Frankly speaking, I am getting frustrated with the work culture and people that everything is needed by today, everything requires follow up, everything requires submission to legal for approval and everything requires how much money the company has given out so the internal and external communication team can blow the company’s trumpet.

Postpartum, someone asked me if my life changed. I replied my priorities changed, not my life. I spoke too soon. Everything in my life changed. I hate everyone around me and everything that is going on except my baby.

I hate the hair loss. I hate it that another mummy shared my hair loss before and after pic as a testimonial on how effective the hairspray is without my permission. I don’t mind sharing but please have the basic courtesy to ask.

I hate the fact that so called friends started approaching me for weight loss program and diet management and push skincare products. I know I gained a lot of weight and I am fat in Asian standard but I am a firm believer of exercise. Hello, I’ll rather put my money in the gym to work out than putting it on quick results gimmicks.

Also, I did not have breakouts, swollen nose, dark spots or any of that stuff during and after pregnancy. Screw you all for not making me feel better about myself.

I hate it that my husband is constantly working late and leaving the care taking of the child to me. I have a job too. Just because I am working from home and I hired a helper does not mean it is easy.

Just because I seem like I am holding up well does not mean it is not heavy. I need a break…