News of women abusing and committing suicide with their child breaks my heart. I’m really not sure how working women cope with sick children and aging parents. With loads of help from parents for kids, full day childcare and a domestic helper perhaps?

Barely three weeks into my new role, my son was admitted to the hospital for persistent high fever and my father in law passed away a day later.

My fil suffered from diabetes for close to 30 years, survived two strokes years ago and had multiple organ failure since May this year and we were mentally prepared for his departure. My role has been minimal since he was warded in the hospital all this time since visitation was reserved for my sil and hubby.

For six days, I was shuffling between the hospital in the day with my son and being present at the funeral the next five nights (FYI, for Chinese Buddhist or Taoist funeral in SG, we hold it for 3/5/7 days). As much as I wanted to be with my sick child for all the time, there are some things that needed to be followed and my role as a daughter in law to my fil as respect. I was exhausted and I felt my body breaking down at the end of the funeral.

By now I already accepted the fact that I can’t do everything alone. Let it go. Hence, I asked my domestic helper to stop all household chores and spend the nights in the hospital with my son while I have to be present at the funeral.

My heart broke when I had to hold down my son while then nurses administered Covid swap and medication on him because he had fever and a runny nose. He was traumatised and screamed every time someone in uniform came near. At the end of the stay, his voice was coarse.

“I am sorry if I did anything wrong to offend any gods or human. Please don’t take my son away from me,” I prayed.

The little one was discharged a day after the funeral and he was deemed unfit to attend childcare and had to stay home for the next three days. I could not activate my parents to help during this time to catch a breather because my mum received a Quarantine Order for being close contact with positive Covid case at Chong Pang.

I questioned my decision to go back to work. I questioned my decision of having a kid. I questioned my decision to get married. I questioned my life.

It is Day 11 after this craziness and I finally sent the little one back to infant care. Some peace and normalcy back in my life.

It takes a village to raise a kid. Really. I need a bigger village.