Recently, a group chat of mine specifically for women who conceived through IVF experienced an influx of new joiners.

Some got pregnant naturally after IVF. Many experienced successful tries since working from home. Seeing the scans of babies and answering questions made me want to try for a second kid.

Do I want to go through the stimulation, numerous virginal scans, daily injections and experience mood swings and weight gain again? Maybe.

Do I want to take the risk of putting my life in danger again? Am I willing to have blood thinner injection everyday throughout the pregnancy? Definitely not.

What if it is bearable? What if Pulmonary Embolism won’t happen again? Then I definitely will even though I am physically exhausted with my boy.

Seeing my child alone really ignited the thought of going for another IVF cycle. I grew up with 3 siblings and I want my child to have someone to love, to share and to support in future.

But… Many only child grow up to be strong individuals. Maybe too strong and a little different I find.

The problem lies with me. I’m mentally not prepared because not everyone got to live to tell their tale.

On one hand I thought I got my second chance to life so I should not put my life at risk again. On the other, not giving another try will be my greatest regret in life.

It was a firm no last year. This year is a maybe. Next year perhaps?