Warning: Women’s health.

Just when I thought I may have a second shot at having another child via IVF, reality strikes.

It started with back to abnormal pre-pregnancy heavy menstrual flow the past few months. People said it will be better after having a kid. Apparently not. Not for me at least.

It continued for a few more times and more frequently. I was having cramps bleeding heavily for at least two weeks every month and my body was discharging blood clots through my virginal more than usual.

I felt like I was dispelling a placenta every time a bloop of blood clot the size of my palm came out of my body. I’ve not had jelly in years as I never look at jelly the same way ever again.

My third visit to the hospital in two weeks warranted a drip, blood transfusion and iron drip because my blood count was low and my body desperately needed it.

A virginal scan was followed by X-ray just to be sure the IUCD is not in any part of my body. Conclusion, my uterus had gotten so swollen and big that it could not hold the IUCD, hence it dropped out. IUCD was inserted to prevent pregnancy (because it is too risky for me) and to regulate my period.

“Down regulation again to stop your menses and for your womb to shrink before trying to insert another IUCD. It is currently the size of a 18 weeks. We can do keyhole surgery to remove it after it shrinks,” the doctor said.

“You should really consider removing your uterus in the meantime,” they continued.

At my age? I’m only 38…

The first time this was suggested to me was 10 years ago. The specialist told me to consider this option because it is almost impossible to have a child with adenomyosis. I was single and fresh out of my first marriage. I went home and cried because I knew I still wanted to get married and have kids.

Will this make me less of a woman if I have it removed? What makes a woman, a woman physically is her womb because she can hold a baby in it. What do you call a woman without a uterus?

Guess it doesn’t matter because transgender women don’t need a uterus to be recognised as one.

Plus, this uterus has been nothing but a bitch to me. I’ve had monthly cramps which had gotten worse since 11 years old. They haven’t been doing what they should which is getting pregnant naturally and I needed quite a lot of intervention to get pregnant.

Maybe I’m already lucky to have gotten this far. Some people never get to meet another someone special and remarried. Some people never got to have their own kids. Some people never get to live to tell their tale.

The pain and bleeding will go away if I stop menstruating. Menopause may not happen in the next 10 years and do I have that much time and energy to keep up? I can’t work properly, can’t exercise, can’t live my live normally. Why do I want to keep a bad organ?

Here I am at 38 years old and having to make a life changing decision about removing a reproductive organ.

I don’t need to be rich. I just want to be healthy. What have I done to deserve this? I wondered. Why can’t I be sipping champagne, having high tea and why can’t life be less bloody in general?