I turned 40 last week! Happy Birthday to me!

I spent the last hour of being 39 going around my estate to distribute my real estate flyers and spent the last few minutes was being emo, questioning about my life choices and then chilling at the nearest Coffee Bean with a Chai Latte and a piece of cake.

Looking back, I realised my life wasn’t that bad growing up. Just that I was busy playing catch up in other people’s games and expectations and I am exhausted.

At 10 years old, I was told I need to work hard and do well for my PSLE like my sister so I can get to a good school. I only wanted to go out and play and do some sports. PE was my favourite class.

At 20, I ended up in a private school to do a Bachelor. In Singapore, smart kids attend local government subsidised universities or are on local or overseas scholarships. I have been compared to my siblings my whole life at this point and I felt miserable.

I thought it’s the end if I don’t make it to local universities and I started looking for ways to earn more money. If I make more money, maybe my parents will look at me differently and love me more.

At 30, I obtained my Masters, was working in the Human Resources department and I just walked out of a failed marriage. I really wanted my own family and a man who can love and take care of me.

I met someone and I was happy for a while. Life events took a turn and I questioned everything about what I’ve been through. My 30s had been a roller coaster ride and I am glad it’s behind me.

At 40, all I can say is life is a bed of roses, literally. Beautiful on social media, pricks and thorns that hurts in areas others can’t see.

Besides sex and sperm, men are not essential. Two marriages under my belt so trust me on this.

One of my old readers wished me great orgasms. NO THANK YOU. I’ve come a long way since my now defunct erotica blog. Now, I am happier with more money. 😂

Education, career and health is your own. Don’t allow anyone else to stop you from obtaining them.

Those who told me a Bachelor is important tried to stop me from doing my Masters. Those who kept saying their company sucks are still job hoppers. Those who complained about how expensive gyms and classes are don’t even take a walk in the park.

Spend money on experiences. Budget travel stories are more interesting than expensive bags.

Stop trying to work on relationships with people who don’t value me. I decided not to initiate anymore meetups with friends like that friend who didn’t attend our recent meetup again and didn’t even show up at her in law’s one star Michelin restaurant when I went to pass her Christmas presents for her kids. Not even a thank you text.

I am not that hard up for friendship and I am happy to go out and have a blast with whoever that enjoys my company.

Spend time, money and energy on my mind, body and soul. Yoga classes, beauty salons and Buddhist lessons. It got to be a full package. Oh Ohm…

Do my best as a parent. Kiddo will grow up and leave eventually. I will provide what I can and nurture him until he reaches adulthood. Everything else after that is on him. All I want him to remember is mummy loves him.

Work to live. Not live to work. Full time work has been crazy last year so I should try to take a break during off peak when I can. Hence, I will take more three hours hotpot lunch and spend a whole day at the onsen while “working from home” from now on. If it is not urgent, it can be done later.

Having been part of a HR team that dealt with retrenchment, a permanent job doesn’t mean you will be employed till retirement. It means you are still needed to make money for the company in the foreseeable future.

Money gives me security. I will keep working and keep investing to grow my retirement funds and possibly plan to live the rest of my years on a beach operating a yoga studio and cafe that serves vegetarian food and fruit juices or at least have a beach holiday yearly (Batam also can).

Seems like my glass is half empty at 40. Anyway, I hate roses.