A few days before my birthday, I received a Facebook memory prompt on a message I posted last year. “

笨女人，付出了一切换来的只是背叛。

Translated into, “Stupid woman. Gave your all and only got betrayed in return.”

Some friends thought I watched too much k-drama. Many especially females and a lot whom I’ve not contacted in years asked if I was all right, offered a listening ear and shared their own experiences.

After one year, deep in my heart, there is still a tinge of hurt. I’m still not over the fact that he went seeking for happy endings at massage parlours while I was working hard on IVF treatments alone.

Hurt that even when I was visiting hospitals following up with four different departments for my pulmonary embolism trauma caused by IVF, he was still looking around for these services.

Hurt that I asked him to take a break while I bring my child out for play dates, he took the opportunity to look for such services.

I thought I’m okay after all the distractions but I started getting more upset and questioned my decision to stay married.

While sitting at the cafe after distributing my real estate flyers and fridge magnet a few minutes before my birthday, I wondered if he realised I was not at home.

He was on the bed scrolling through football matches on his phone when I left.

I wondered if he’s waiting for me at home with a surprise. I wouldn’t know so I decided to head back at 2am.

He was on the bed snoring when I reached home.

I took my pillow, went to the guest room and texted “我们离婚吧” (Let’s get a divorce)。

Why was I so unhappy this time?

I thought my 40th birthday meant something to him. 我真的太吧自己当回事。

I may be holding on to cash but he still have his card. Where is my birthday present?

Even though I was angry with him, I still got him a present and arranged for the whole family to go for a nice dinner on his birthday.

He only started to arrange an outing on my birthday after getting the text I guess. Just like the past few years, I order my dinner through Grab because I’m in no mood to eat after the outing.

It actually felt more like an outing for the kid than to celebrate my birthday.

Plus, I didn’t want a stressful dinner with my toddler and I didn’t want to dine alone with him. I got flowers and cake though.

He still has not asked me what is wrong. Not had a conversation about anything.

I texted him again, “Let’s arrange a day to visit the lawyer office.”

This should be enough to keep him on his toes for sometime. I’m the a$$hole. I am tired of playing this game.