“Women must work,” she said.

Back when work from home not a thing yet, my mum was already operating a home business. A hair salon in our kitchen to be exact. I think she is a woman beyond her time.

She moved her operations from a shophouse to our home and built her network and clientele from neighbouring blocks after four kids.

It wasn’t until my siblings and I got married, had our own family before she finally revealed to us, she had been supporting the family from her earnings for the first 10 years in the marriage until dad started earning more.

Dad was a civil servant and only drawing a few hundred dollars of pay in the 70s and 80s. Being the eldest son and bearing the responsibility of taking care of the family, all his pay was handed to my grandparents to support the whole household.

A woman with no work and without money can only depend on a man that time I guess. If she don’t work, she will have to ask her in laws for money to buy milk powder. We are all girls and boys are preferred. We might have starved if mum didn’t work. I wondered why she married my dad that time.

I must say, I agree what you said mum.

Having taken two career breaks, below is what I felt:

男人说会养你是骗人的。

When a man said he will support you financially, it is BS.

他看上你不是应为你会持家，是应为你独立自主。

When both of you met, he was attracted to your independence not because you can take care of a family.

靠他的话，久而久之在他眼里独立自主有魅力的女人变了黄脸婆后，外面独立自主的女人就比较有魅力了。

After relying on a him, he will feel that you are not what you were, not making your own keeps and independent women outside will start to appeal to him more.

All men look outside, but not all take action.

After returning to full time work this time, I decided I will not take another career break or stop working anymore. I will continue to look for more side hustles.

Material wise, I can now sign any beauty package I fancy. Buy a nice handbag every now and then. It makes me happy.

Mental health wise, in the midst of busy-ness, I see and talk to people more and it has kept me my sanity.

Emotionally, I did not drown in them. I am no longer consumed by anger on my predicament and I don’t wallow in self pity.

Having our own money allows us to buy what we fancy and whoever and whatever we want without having to worry how the husband or any other people feel about it.

Having our own money, we can go out and meet our friends and not worry about how expensive going out is. Friends keep your sanity and there is no price tag on it.

Having our own money, we don’t need to bow down to anyone when we face grievances. I don’t owe you anything. You can F off if you don’t like it.

Women must work because women with money builds confidence and confidence is sexy.

Sisters, work if you can.

More about what mother said here.