Recently I was invited to a Hen’s Night party as that friend is getting married.

By married, I meant going through a customary wedding where couples invite their family and friends for a meal. They are legally married on paper for more than three years.

I witnessed her inviting people from her cell group but none turned up. Instead, only three people were at the party. The bride, an ex door bitch at a club we used to frequent and me.

Hence, the three of us went out and did the exact thing we did 15 to 20 years ago. To a club, drink and better if there are hot eye candy around.

I must say clubbing was a totally different experience this time.

I used to go in to clubs early to get a stamp to save on entry fee. Now, I don’t care how much it says. I’m only coming out after my kid goes to bed.

Dancing on the stage or dance floor used to be my exercise. Now, standing and swaying is.

Three inch heels used to be a norm. Now my feet hurts just standing on my flats, plus I don’t own anything with skinny base now. The bigger the base, the better it is. Better if they are specifically running or walking shoes.

Tube or spaghetti top and jeans used to my clubbing attire. Now I ask if the place has strong air con so I can decide if I want to bring my shawl or cardigan along.

I used to stick around crowded bar counter so it is easier to get a drink. Now I want a table to put my drink and a chair to sit away to prevent people from knocking into me.

Long Island tea and shots used to be my go to drink to get myself tipsy. Now I ask for whisky and water on the side because too many types of alcohol may damage my liver faster.

To enjoy my alcohol more, I found myself ordering a bottle of single malt so nobody can dilute or spoil its taste with those sugared crap people put with their drinks. I get annoyed when servers put my whisky in mixers.

My friends obviously visits clubs more than I do. The ex door bitch goes clubbing with her daughter now. The one getting married tags along since she is enjoying her duo income no kids (DINK) lifestyle while I prefer to wake up early to exercise than stay out and sleep late.

My lifestyle seemed to be healthier but I weigh the heaviest among them all. I attribute my weight to my boobs and butt. 😂

My friend didn’t get the crazy night out she wanted because we did nothing plus she was almost two hours late for her own party.

While waiting for her, a middle age guy with bad breath attracted by the ex door bitch going “woo woo woo” on the dance floor kept coming over to talk to me 00s dance numbers were played.

I instinctively passed him some drinks with the intention to rid his bad breath but he refused.

At this age, you have to realise not everyone out there is trying to make you drunk. Even if you don’t want to take their drink offer, at least have your own on hand. He still had the audacity to plant a kiss on my cheek. Phet phet phet! 🤢

He grabbed my hand and looked for a ring. I haven’t worn my wedding band since finding out about my husband’s infidelity. I’m only wearing a jade ring on the middle finger on my right because a fengshui master said it will keep my spending in control.

Like a script he commented I must be married while I said yes. He asked how is sex life. I’m said ok. It is obvious what this guy is looking for. Sorry I have no libido and I am not interested in going out nor having sex with other men.

That night, I realised to a middle age man, I am still very much a sweet young thing. Women don’t need to be slim to be considered attractive. Overweight women like me are attractive in dim lights when men have enough alcohol or desperate.

I decided to call it a night and headed home at 1am after puking out my fried chicken wings and truffle fries in the toilet.

Lesson learnt – My body is not what it used to be. I needed a massage to cure the hangover, the bloat and whatever aches and pain from the night out.

I’ll probably come out to club and spy on my son in future or buy his friends a round of drinks but I’ll rather have a full body massage every week than out clubbing.