Have you ever felt like you have too many things to do and you just want to put everything down and hide where nobody could find you?

I have been feeling this way since I was overwhelmed with work last year.

I thought I needed a break and distracted myself and went on the plan for my year end family holiday.

After the holiday, I went on to plan for another holiday for my birthday.

The emotional stress that happened before the birthday trip did nothing to soothe my emotions.

Now I am exhausted.

Going away and traveling is not a solution.

Retail therapy did not help much either.

Why am I even trying? I asked myself again and again.

这就是命。This is life.

I know and I am sick of it. I stopped listening to motivational and spiritual stuff because I am not in the mood.

人生不如意事十之八九。这因该就是八九。

Mediocre career.

A preschooler who needed more attention.

An unhappy marriage.

Mid-life crisis, people said.

At least I can make my own money. I am sure I I will never drop everything and stop what I had worked so hard for again. I would not be doing myself justice.

Why do I feel like I always have to work harder than everyone else but only get the same results as others?

Shall I just let go, throw things aside and go crazy?

The fact that I am conscious proved that I won’t allow myself to do crazy stuff.

I felt like shit. I really do. I want to stay in bed and scroll my phone all day but I moved my ass to the gym anyway. Maybe a little exercise, water, sleep and better intake of food will do me some good.

Nah. I ate junk because I’m hungry and there are no healthy cooked food at home, plus a little junk won’t hurt since I’ve put in hours at the gym. Now the vicious cycle starts again.

Hence, I sent my helper for gluten free nutritional cooking class.

I am in control. I am the only person that can move myself out of the rut. Small steps small changes. Inch by inch, little by little.

All the things that made me unhappy shall pass.