请你离开我的视线。我看到你我觉得眼睛脏。

请你离开我的住处。我嫌你碰的每个东西脏。

我不要你的车子。我嫌你用的两只手碰过的方向盘和别的女人脏。

东西脏可以洗。脑子和行为脏是洗不掉的。

结婚时许下的承诺如今变得一文不值。

在你跃出道德的界限时就走向了不归路。

在你越过道德的界限时就因该知道我会离开你。

滚！我嫌你脏。

Get out of my sight. My eyes get dirty looking at you.

Get out of my home. Everything you touch becomes dirty.

I don’t want your car. I don’t want to use the steering wheels you used after touching another woman.

Things that got dirty can be washed. You cannot wash away a dirty mind and dirty actions.

Wedding vows seemed to be worthless now.

You embarked on a journey of no return when you stepped out of moral boundaries.

You should know I will leave you when you stepped out of moral boundaries.

Fuck off! I find you dirty.

New year new beginning. How has the first week of 2022 treated you? Good I hope.

I managed to clock 30mins of exercise a day and closed all my rings on my iWatch.

I said I wanted to watch less tv and read more, I don’t understand Tao Te Jing by Lao Tzu I was reading but I finished watching Emily in Paris on Netflix.

On the third day of the new year, I found out my husband has been unfaithful to me for quite a while. I need time to let everything sink in.

The first day I felt numb and made the decision to remove my womb at the end of the month. No way I am going to have another child with this man ever again. I contemplated to risk my life again for another child but I got my answer. The answer is NO. He’s not worth it.

Second day was rage. I started scolding him and sending unkind texts. I don’t like this version of myself. I got my helper to pack all his stuff and I kicked him out.

Third day I felt pain. I had tears of anger and my chest felt tight. My body started reacting to the anger with more bleeding.

Fourth day, I ignored his messages instead of replying with angry texts. My heart hurts and I cried. He showed up when I was at the school to picked my child up. I asked him to wait for me at the lobby and I passed him the engagement and wedding ring. I told him he can transfer the money to me after he sold it.

They meant nothing to me now. I would rather not keep useless symbols. I’ll have the cash.

I thought my first husband was bad. Apparently the second one is not any better.

Two marriages and I still couldn’t get it right and I still didn’t get my happily ever after.

Tomorrow is my 39th birthday. My life is a joke. My life is a drama. My life is cruel.