还愿 05: 注生娘娘 Chinese Deity of Birth and Fertility

At Lian Shan Shuang Lin Monastry at Toa Payoh.

My mother prayed for safe pregnancy and delivery during her time. Then she prayed again to keep her children safe from harm.

I visited this temple when I was young with my mum and I still visit every year with my family during Chinese New Year for prayers.

Call it keeping the traditions alive.

I finally visited in 2019 after admitting I do have fertility challenges after I left my last banking job without another job and after all the injections for my second IVF cycle and before the next egg retrieval.

Pray. Just sincerely and silently. Girl or boy doesn’t matter. As long as the embryo latches this time, and as long as the pregnancy is smooth and as long as the child is healthy.

Maybe I was too sensitive but I sure thought she was smiling back at me at that time. Nonetheless, I took a couple of red eggs home to eat on my bed with my husband.

Fast forward a few months later, I gave birth to my precious at 32 weeks. He was a premie with no health problems. He was placed in special care only because he hadn’t reached full term. Baby was safe but the mummy wasn’t (I had loads of complications accompanied with other struggles).

I could have lost him if I didn’t felt paranoid and checked myself into the hospital in the middle of the night and subsequently placed in the delivery ward.

I could have lost him as my placenta had detached which resulted in the emergency caesarean. He could be a stillborn if there were no oxygen from the placenta.

I could be brain dead if I hadn’t asked a nurse to help me to the toilet who then administered CPR on me for more than two minutes after I collapsed because little did I know blood clots stopped oxygen into my lungs.

I think I was lucky. Extremely thankful that both of us are alive. Hence, I patiently waited until Covid restrictions were relaxed and returned 200 red eggs to give thanks and also to share the blessing with other couples.

What is 200 eggs and some incense for my life, my joy and happiness?

As long as my child is still young, seems like I will be visiting this temple for a long long time.

On a side note, in the IVF Facebook group I am in, people kept mentioning this temple and returning eggs here and encouraging others to visit. I guess it didn’t only work for me…

还愿04: Kwan Im Thong Hood Cho Temple

If someone says “going to Waterloo temple” or “四马路” you can bet they are referring to this place, Kwan Im Thong (观音堂). You can read about it’s history here.

Devotees praying to the Goddess of Mercy (Guan Yin 观音菩萨）

When I was studying nearby, I would join my classmates to offer incense whenever we walked past. Just be respectful even when I did not understand what was going on.

I forgot about it’s existence until a colleague mentioned this temple while working on the same flight told me that this temple is good for blessing careers which I occasionally visit thereafter because I definitely needed divine intervention when it comes to getting a better paying job. My first job only paid $900 and the airline only $800 basic.

I also prayed for love and and never got it so I didn’t really think offering incense works. Instead, I got my hand burnt on several separate occasions after trying to put joss sticks into to urn every time I prayed for love. It was definitely bad omen which I failed to see it until now. Lol.

I forgot about this place again until a master I consulted after the breakdown of my first marriage asked me to visit on every first and fifteen lunar month if I want my life to be better, because “signal is stronger”. I heeded his advice from then on and wake up early before work or visit during lunch time or after work on the days mentioned.

To pray and then return. Pray and return.

Drawing lots is back! Get a divination slip!

For some strange reasons (probably working hard as a distraction from a failed marriage), my career took off and I stepped up from getting free incense to topping up incense, fruits, vegetarian sweets and donation. I was already so auntie that time… 😂

Of course I also prayed for a child here and I dropped by during my two weeks wait after I did my embryo transfers. How can I not pray here when I’ve even travelled to other countries to pray right?

First three embryo transfers that failed, I dreamt of a different child holding a lady in white’s hand and waving goodbye to me on each occasion. I woke up crying. I never saw her face and I wondered where she was taking them to.

I knew I was finally going to have a baby when I felt a sense of joy and had no nightmares after the last embryo transfer visit. I had two embryos transferred and I only prayed for them to stick.

I received confirmation that I was pregnant after a blood test a week later but I only saw one heart beating three weeks later after a scan and it was the most beautiful heart I’ve seen.

Then, the husband said he saw a white figure float out of the operating theatre after I had an emergency caesarean. 😂

Affinity? Nobody can explain it but better believe than don’t right since I’m still alive after all the health scares accompanied by IVF and cesarean.

This is why I returned.

AITA 03: Let’s Get A Divorce 我们离婚吧

A few days before my birthday, I received a Facebook memory prompt on a message I posted last year. “

笨女人，付出了一切换来的只是背叛。

Translated into, “Stupid woman. Gave your all and only got betrayed in return.”

Some friends thought I watched too much k-drama. Many especially females and a lot whom I’ve not contacted in years asked if I was all right, offered a listening ear and shared their own experiences.

After one year, deep in my heart, there is still a tinge of hurt. I’m still not over the fact that he went seeking for happy endings at massage parlours while I was working hard on IVF treatments alone.

Hurt that even when I was visiting hospitals following up with four different departments for my pulmonary embolism trauma caused by IVF, he was still looking around for these services.

Hurt that I asked him to take a break while I bring my child out for play dates, he took the opportunity to look for such services.

I thought I’m okay after all the distractions but I started getting more upset and questioned my decision to stay married.

While sitting at the cafe after distributing my real estate flyers and fridge magnet a few minutes before my birthday, I wondered if he realised I was not at home.

He was on the bed scrolling through football matches on his phone when I left.

I wondered if he’s waiting for me at home with a surprise. I wouldn’t know so I decided to head back at 2am.

He was on the bed snoring when I reached home.

I took my pillow, went to the guest room and texted “我们离婚吧” (Let’s get a divorce)。

Why was I so unhappy this time?

I thought my 40th birthday meant something to him. 我真的太吧自己当回事。

I may be holding on to cash but he still have his card. Where is my birthday present?

Even though I was angry with him, I still got him a present and arranged for the whole family to go for a nice dinner on his birthday.

He only started to arrange an outing on my birthday after getting the text I guess. Just like the past few years, I order my dinner through Grab because I’m in no mood to eat after the outing.

It actually felt more like an outing for the kid than to celebrate my birthday.

Plus, I didn’t want a stressful dinner with my toddler and I didn’t want to dine alone with him. I got flowers and cake though.

He still has not asked me what is wrong. Not had a conversation about anything.

I texted him again, “Let’s arrange a day to visit the lawyer office.”

This should be enough to keep him on his toes for sometime. I’m the a$$hole. I am tired of playing this game.

Memoirs of a Singapore Auntie 新阿姨传记

First World Problems

Category Archives: Fertility

还愿 05: 注生娘娘 Chinese Deity of Birth and Fertility

还愿04: Kwan Im Thong Hood Cho Temple

AITA 03: Let’s Get A Divorce 我们离婚吧