Category Archives: Friends

Adult, Culture, Friends, Thoughts, Work

Fitting In

Besides failing trying to fit in old dresses, there are several things that set me thinking about trying to fit in situations nowadays.

Previously, I briefly mentioned I felt like a minority in my own country. One of the reasons why I chose not to attend a birthday party with expat wives (AITA 05). I find it difficult to fit into their world and their lifestyle.

Should I just bear the discomfort, grow some skin and join in future? It probably wouldn’t work because they have high income earning husbands feeding their expensive pastimes. I don’t.

Nobody there works and they don’t bat an eyelid having to pay more than 5K a month on rent. It is more than my mortgage, groceries and transport combined.

Compared to these expats wives, I stick out like a sore thumb having three jobs (Full-time office, part time real estate and my events business).

Sometimes, I find myself working 16 hours a day and I am exhausted. I don’t have the luxury of time to go for spa, manicure and pedicure or hair treatment like them. Will they understand?

Unlike them, there is one thing I can’t bring myself to do. That is letting my helper spend all the playtime with my kid. What about strengthening the bond with the little one?

I am always among the helpers during evening walks and playground runs with kiddo so much so that I might be mistaken as a helper myself.

In another situation during one of my face to face property transactions where all parties were present, I found myself among neutralise Singapore Citizens. Everyone else besides me was born in Malaysia.

Once in a while they spoke in Cantonese which I barely understood. I did not like the feeling of being left out but what can I do? I just smiled and tried to complete the transaction professionally.

I know. We are all ethic Chinese but the feeling is different when you can’t communicate effectively.

Am I not capable enough in language skills? Is English and Mandarin inadequate in Singapore? Am I not trying hard enough to fit in? Shall I go pick up Malay or Cantonese ? Is there any point in doing so?

It has become increasingly common in the property world where many top earners who worked very hard were from somewhere else and stayed long term in Singapore. Some eventually call Singapore home.

Nobody new I meet now is born Singaporean anymore. Where is everyone? Overseas? Busy earning money and staying low profile because they don’t want others to know they have money? Or hiding because they got into trouble with the law? Doing food delivery?

It set me thinking. If I am uncomfortable in such occasional situations, what about the Malays, Indians and mixed races in Singapore who faced such situations (different race and different languages) on a daily basis? What do they do to fit in?

We say Singapore is a melting pot of people coming together with diverse backgrounds which makes us unique.

Sometimes, I just want to order my kopi-c siu dai and Hokkien mee in Singlish. Now, my kopi order is taken by a mainland Chinese or Filipino. I am sure they know how to do their job and take the order in local lingo but I find it hard to order like a local when they are standing in front of me.

Many stalls are owned by neutralise citizens too. Everywhere I go, traditional stalls are being replaced with mala dishes. How come Muslim owned stalls are not side by side local Chinese stalls anymore?

Singapore needs foreigners, they say. Our F&B, medical and service sector especially and I am glad we have them.

Whilst I celebrate the fact that there are many who make Singapore home but I can’t help and feel sad whenever I know of people giving up their citizenship. I think I am getting the idea and feeling why.

Is outside better and is that a solution? Wouldn’t it be more effort to fit in? How about racial discrimination?

With age catching up, I probably wouldn’t find out since I am getting too old to move countries.

I am still puzzled. I’ve never moved and I’m feeling the shift in daily life. Why do I have to try to fit in my country of birth?

Majulah Singapura?

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Adult, Friends, kids, life, Relationship, Work

AITA 05: Sorry, I Have Townhall

I have an extremely friendly next door neighbour.

When she first saw my son, she asked for his age and we realised our kids are of the same age.

We asked about each other’s birthdays and realised we are only 10 days apart.

We both had high risk pregnancy.

One thing led to another, our children are going for evening walks together (Me and her helper with the kids without her) and play dates at each other’s place on rainy days.

She invited me for her birthday party which was held at the function room downstairs which I accepted.

It was retro themed and I sought ideas on what to wear. I even bought a new dress for it.

Days before the birthday, she asked me for my favourite disco song and my favourite Bollywood song. I have none for the latter. Somehow, I dreaded attending the party when the date was near.

Am I going to be the only ethnic Chinese person in the party again? The last party we were invited, my son and I were the only Chinese in the room. I don’t know how to handle being a minority in Singapore.

Do I have the energy to entertain a room full of overdressed and gossipy expat mums on a Friday night? Nope.

A few days before the party, I told her and handed her a bottle of champagne and a present, “I AM SO SORRY! I have townhall and I have to make a presentation. US hours, starts at 8pm and I can’t attend.”

In reality, I am not senior enough to make a presentation for even a local townhall even if there really is one.

Come party day, I sneaked off and had a date with my son at an indoor playground and we returned before the party ended. I throughly enjoyed spending time with my son alone.

“Oh ya. I’m working from home and I could hear the music from the function room. I am soooo jealous. I wished I was there,” I said when I bumped into my neighbour.

I guess IATA. 😂

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Adult, Friends, Massage, Relationship

Lessons From Clubbing: Then and Now

Recently I was invited to a Hen’s Night party as that friend is getting married.

By married, I meant going through a customary wedding where couples invite their family and friends for a meal. They are legally married on paper for more than three years.

I witnessed her inviting people from her cell group but none turned up. Instead, only three people were at the party. The bride, an ex door bitch at a club we used to frequent and me.

Hence, the three of us went out and did the exact thing we did 15 to 20 years ago. To a club, drink and better if there are hot eye candy around.

I must say clubbing was a totally different experience this time.

I used to go in to clubs early to get a stamp to save on entry fee. Now, I don’t care how much it says. I’m only coming out after my kid goes to bed.

Dancing on the stage or dance floor used to be my exercise. Now, standing and swaying is.

Three inch heels used to be a norm. Now my feet hurts just standing on my flats, plus I don’t own anything with skinny base now. The bigger the base, the better it is. Better if they are specifically running or walking shoes.

Tube or spaghetti top and jeans used to my clubbing attire. Now I ask if the place has strong air con so I can decide if I want to bring my shawl or cardigan along.

I used to stick around crowded bar counter so it is easier to get a drink. Now I want a table to put my drink and a chair to sit away to prevent people from knocking into me.

Long Island tea and shots used to be my go to drink to get myself tipsy. Now I ask for whisky and water on the side because too many types of alcohol may damage my liver faster.

To enjoy my alcohol more, I found myself ordering a bottle of single malt so nobody can dilute or spoil its taste with those sugared crap people put with their drinks. I get annoyed when servers put my whisky in mixers.

My friends obviously visits clubs more than I do. The ex door bitch goes clubbing with her daughter now. The one getting married tags along since she is enjoying her duo income no kids (DINK) lifestyle while I prefer to wake up early to exercise than stay out and sleep late.

My lifestyle seemed to be healthier but I weigh the heaviest among them all. I attribute my weight to my boobs and butt. 😂

My friend didn’t get the crazy night out she wanted because we did nothing plus she was almost two hours late for her own party.

While waiting for her, a middle age guy with bad breath attracted by the ex door bitch going “woo woo woo” on the dance floor kept coming over to talk to me 00s dance numbers were played.

I instinctively passed him some drinks with the intention to rid his bad breath but he refused.

At this age, you have to realise not everyone out there is trying to make you drunk. Even if you don’t want to take their drink offer, at least have your own on hand. He still had the audacity to plant a kiss on my cheek. Phet phet phet! 🤢

He grabbed my hand and looked for a ring. I haven’t worn my wedding band since finding out about my husband’s infidelity. I’m only wearing a jade ring on the middle finger on my right because a fengshui master said it will keep my spending in control.

Like a script he commented I must be married while I said yes. He asked how is sex life. I’m said ok. It is obvious what this guy is looking for. Sorry I have no libido and I am not interested in going out nor having sex with other men.

That night, I realised to a middle age man, I am still very much a sweet young thing. Women don’t need to be slim to be considered attractive. Overweight women like me are attractive in dim lights when men have enough alcohol or desperate.

I decided to call it a night and headed home at 1am after puking out my fried chicken wings and truffle fries in the toilet.

Lesson learnt – My body is not what it used to be. I needed a massage to cure the hangover, the bloat and whatever aches and pain from the night out.

I’ll probably come out to club and spy on my son in future or buy his friends a round of drinks but I’ll rather have a full body massage every week than out clubbing.

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