Category Archives: Infidelity

Adult, Infidelity, Massage, Relationship, Thoughts

Triggered

The husband and I decided to drive in to Johor a day after our our holiday since we were both clearing our leave days and the kid is in school.

Our bodies were sore from four plane rides from the holiday and we decided to go for a full body massage.

Yes, massage. Very sensitive activity.

I allowed him to go for massages with me. A friend told me limit it to only male masseuse for him but I did not go to such extent. I am sure he knows boundaries by now.

After all, what could go wrong when he is with me right?

While I was footing the bill, his masseuse asked for his contact. WeChat or WhatsApp, she asked. He exchanged WhatsApp with her in front of me.

I glared at him and asked him what the fuck was he doing.

He said she is good. Exchanged contact so I can ask for her and massage for me next time.

NO THANK YOU.

First, there is no need to because they all have serial number. Just quote their number and the counter will arrange. I have always booked appointments this way with the outlet.

Second, he could tell her to exchange with his wife. Stupid piece of shit.

Third, he should know in no circumstances he can exchange contact with another female because he is an offender and he has not been forgiven.

My growling belly was full from anger.

My fist did not feel any pain when I hit it against the window several times.

I screamed at him.

After we reached home, I tried throwing him out again. I threw all his clothes down the rubbish chute in an attempt to make him leave.

He kneeled and begged and even said he will jump to prove his innocence. I told him if jumping solves the issue he should but please don’t affect the real estate price by dying here.

I kneeled and begged him back to leave me.

I even took a knife and threatened to slash him. Then I told him I’ll kill the kid if he doesn’t leave.

I told him I was well until he made me a mad woman. I was well aware of my mental state but I didn’t want to check myself into the mental hospital because I should not be only one feeling miserable and paying for his actions.

I called and managed to talk to a friend and I ended up bursting into tears.

Nearly two years after finding out about his infidelity and after a nice long holiday, I thought it is time for me to put it behind me.

His actions shows he is still a piece of shit and will remain one. I cannot live the next 30 years of my life in shit.

This is me. Triggered.

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Adult, Culture, Infidelity, kids, life, Relationship, Thoughts

你喜欢爸爸吗？

Do you like Papa?

My three year old son posted this question to me.

I asked him the same question back and he nodded his head without hesitation.

Sorry son, I did not answer your question because I could not bring myself to say yes.

婚姻，不管曾经多么喜欢，如今都变成了反感。

曾经的激情随着久而久之的熟悉都被冲淡了。

对彼此的信任和尊重在一念之差化为乌有。

感觉和感情根本都不靠谱。

与其问我喜不喜欢他这个人，倒不如问我喜不喜欢他的钱（收入）。

没钱真的不配谈感情。No money no honey.

If you ask me if I ever loved him, I can only say I didn’t choose to marry him out of love. I chose him because he has a stable job and income and his physic fitted my ideal type.

I can only say I don’t like your papa as much as before.

I don’t detest him but I get irritated and we can’t have a proper conversation without me raising my voice after having to repeat myself five times.

Your mother was too desperate to start a family and went with an acceptable and safe option. Anyone who doesn’t smoke and gamble like my first husband gets a passing grade.

I can live under the same roof as your father but I can’t sleep in the same room.

I can live with your father’s untidiness. A helper can easily solve this problem.

I can definitely live with controlling the family’s finances.

Do I like your papa? Do I like the bread he put on the table? I guess I do.

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Adult, Infidelity, Learning, Relationship, Sex, Thoughts

Marriage Management

“Love is not just finding the right person, but creating the right relationship,” anonymous.

Love is unreliable. I am not sure if there is still love but I do take care of him.

Ensuring he gets his food, wake up and go to work on time and making sure he gets bonding time with the little one.

It is not starting over. I don’t think we can ever start over since we have a child together. I know for sure I won’t stay in the relationship if we don’t have a child.

Marriage is tricky. Getting into it is easier than getting out of it.

A marriage needs management. Staying in one requires effort.

Why do people stay in marriages after betrayal and despite it not deriving joy.

I still get irritated with his presence on some days.

We sleep separately.

I still try to get away from intimacy but occasionally continuing with the deed.

I still respond “Ask him go find someone else,” when others asked when we are having another child.

I get access to all his money.

Sometimes he raises his voice and I’ll throw the move out and get a divorce card.

Despite all that, we are still married simply because I do not want my child to grow up without his father.

Someone asked me if I will leave the marriage. My answer is not for now.

Divorce is not the end goal but I will not strike off the possibility in future.

I thought men can be trusted after marriage since they made a vow. What I think I failed to do was to remind the other half what will break the marriage and be clear on the consequences.

Trust but not completely because the only person you can trust is yourself.

I treat my marriage like a work relationship. Get emotions out of the way. You can fall out and not like each other anymore but you have roles to fulfil and the best thing you can do is to be professional about it.

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