“Hey,” he then called my name and reached out his hand for a handshake.

“Hey,” I responded, looked into his eye, smiled and added, “Long time no see.”

“How have you been?”

This was how I meet my ex boyfriend after almost 20 years. Whatever feelings would have been gone by now, I thought.

Backstory: It’s a Small World Afterall, Revelation

“How have you been,” is possibly what we want to hear from each other directly but superficial because we probably heard about each other since the bride is my good friend and the groom is your brother.

Do you really want to know? The best way to catch up is over a cup of coffee or a glass of whiskey but it would be impossible given the circumstances.

I actually heard from the bride there was a minor discussion between the groom and his brother if it is necessary to invite me as a guest but the bride insisted on my presence so there I was.

我曾想我们面对面看到彼此会什么反应。寒暄了几句，很多话想说却什么都没说。I often imagined how meeting you again would be. So many things to say but yet I said nothing at all.

当晚没什么感觉，毕竟都过了二十年。就以为会一直会没感觉，过了几天听了听歌，读了读歌词就掉了掉几滴眼泪。I thought I felt numb and celebrated it but slowly it crept upon me while listening to songs on my Spotify playlist the next few days.

Lyrics to song #1 on how I felt.

汪峰《当我想你的时候》

至少有十年我不曾流泪 (I haven’t cried in at least 10 years)

至少有十首歌给我安慰 (There were at least 10 songs that gave me comfort)

可现在的我我莫名的哭泣 (But I am unconsciously crying now)

Deliberately left out the last line because I don’t miss him (anymore). It was hard for the two years after the breakup but not anymore. Time really heal all wounds.

Lyrics to song #2 on how I felt.

田馥甄 《小幸运》

爱上你的时候还不懂感情 (I didn’t know it was love when I fell for you)

离别了才知道刻骨铭心 (Unforgettable after we parted)

。。。

与你相遇好幸运 (Lucky to have met you)

可我已失去为你泪流满面的权利 (But I lost the right to cry over you)

但愿在我看不到的天际你张开了双翼 (Hope you are well and soaring in areas I can’t see)

遇见你的注定 她会有多幸运？(She is lucky to be your destined)

After some exchange, I saw his dad and said I should go say hi. He came along and reintroduced me to his dad as his ex after I introduced myself as a friend of the bride.

眼泪多半是因为遗憾。遗憾没有缘成为一家人。The bride told me her father in law asked about me the next day. I guess my tears were for the regret that they are the in laws I never had. I’ve never sat down and drank a pot of tea brewed by my father in law, nor had a meal prepared by my mother in law like I did with them.

Everything is fated and this is life.

I stepped away discreetly when I noticed a crowd was building up. Put on my best smile, did my own thing and tried not to sneak peeks over during dinner.

Despite not being able to lose any weight, and I added 20 years of 女人味 and 20 kilograms since he last met me, I believed I managed to leave an impression and felt good about the wedding.